Memories

Tonight we visited Beckett's grave because they have put the temporary headstone on and also to bring some fresh flowers.  We thought it would be therapeutic to go around and say a memory that we have of our sweet baby.  There were some tears (mostly from me) but everyone enjoyed sharing some thoughts about Beckett. 

Dad - Whenever he would pick him up, he would snuggle into him.

Mom - Whenever he smiled, he would bring his hands to his mouth and smile with his whole body.

Zeke -  Carrying him around everywhere

Tatum - Carrying him and having him laugh in her lap

Braia - Talking to him

Adleigh - Liked to kiss him

Simple things are all we have but we all hold them dear to our hearts.  This child will not...cannot...be forgotten. 

I still have my pretty tough moments but someone reminded me the other day...that instead of only looking at this as a loss (a huge, incredibly difficult loss)...we should be thankful for each one of those days that we spent with this precious child.  Since Beckett has passed, I have researched a lot through lds.org, looking for answers, wondering why.  I found this article by Bruce R. McConkie that quoted a Joseph Smith's statement:

“The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth.” Here

Too pure, too lovely to live on earth...helps...a bit.  Beckett was like an old soul.  He watched everything, like he was taking as much information in as he possibly could.  He had a more mature sense of humor.  I use to joke to my mom that he better loosen up because you HAVE to have a sense of humor in our house to make it through the masses of children. 

One of the hardest things about this whole situation is my kids.  We have been so worried about Zeke and thinking that he was going to take this the hardest.  I was told today that we needed to keep an eye on Tatum, from the school psychologist.  She doesn't like talking about Beckett.  I always tell her when she is ready that I am here to listen or cry with her.  She is breaking on the inside.  My once happy girl, is deeply sadden by the loss of her brother, her friend, her baby.  If only I could take the pain of my family on myself.  

Beckett is our Angel...I reminded the kids of that this evening.  I hope he is watching out for his siblings and parents.  Until we meet again, sweet boy, this pain wont leave.  I look forward to the day that we can be reunited as an Eternal Family.