The Many Attitudes

of TEAGUE

he is super funny!

He was a crack up on our trip...

I wonder if he was upset that he had to sit in a highchair or was it the fact that it was PINK :-)

Utah Jan. 2013

Our Utah trip

It was a SUPER cold visit

Kids LOVED seeing their cousins

Adults ENJOYED catching up

Relationships RENEWED and reminded...

that we ARE indeed FAMILY

We had a great time and can't wait to go back out and see everyone!!

A Sweet Note

Zeke's class wrote notes to their teacher...the father of Nicole.  I was very proud that he was able to write his thoughts.  Definitely progress.  He is coping.  This whole situation is terrible :(

Heaven is more Beautiful

 Here I am waiting, I'll have to leave soon
Why am I holding on?
We knew this day would come, we knew it all along
How did it come so fast?

This is our last night but it's late
And I'm trying not to sleep
Cause I know, when I wake, I will have to slip away

And when the daylight comes I'll have to go
But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close
Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own
But tonight I need to hold you so close

Here I am staring at your perfection
In my arms, so beautiful
The sky is getting bright, the stars are burning out
Somebody slow it down

This is way too hard, cause I know
When the sun comes up, I will leave
This is my last glance that will soon be memory

And when the daylight comes I'll have to go
But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close
Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own
But tonight I need to hold you so close
(Daylight By: Maroon 5)

We heard some very devastating news this past weekend.  My heart is heavy.  My sadness is overwhelming.  A very dear friend of my children passed away in her sleep on Friday night.  Shock.  I didn't even know where to begin to explain this to my children...especially Zeke and Tatum.  This friend was the daughter of their school music teacher...he is a favorite teacher by ALL the students.  He has done some really great things with the kids.  He has made my kids love music even more.  They look forward to music week. 

Zeke has always known Nichole,  since kindergarten.  They didn't share a class until 2nd grade.  That was the year that Beckett died...Zeke had a lot of behavioral problems at school, understandably...but Nichole befriended him that year.  By the end of the school year...she was always around Zeke.  On Zeke's part it was always an innocent friendship...let's just say that we KNEW she had the biggest crush on him...even before she told Tatum :-)  I noticed that school year she is in most of the pictures with Zeke - so cute and smiling HUGE.  Then she started coming over to our house.  She would tell Tatum that she wanted to play...but when she was at our house she would play with Zeke...or sit with him while he played video games.  I still think Zeke had NO idea that she did those things to be around him.  One specific time I remember Tatum complaining to me because Nichole didn't want to play because she was in the basement with Zeke...I told her that this probably wont be the only time this happens and I laughed - Tatum didn't understand what I meant. 

Gradually, Nichole became a really good friend to Tatum.  They built a true friendship.  One of Tatum's favorite memories of her was going swimming over the summer.  Tatum looked up to Nichole.  She was an older girl and those that know Tatum knows that she LOVES to be around older girls!  Every time there was a school party or function...Nichole was around my girls playing with them.  I always found it very sweet that she would hang out with my girls than her MANY, MANY friends in the 4th grade.  Most recently, I remember her dancing with Tatum and Teague at our school fund raiser - she was laughing SO hard at Tigs trying to dance.

Nichole truly was a special little girl.  She wasn't the typical 9 year old girl.  She was nice, generous and beautiful.  Hearing stories from other people this past weekend really touched me because every single person had a story involving an act of kindness or charity that she did for others.  

Her passing has really made an impact on me.  It has brought up a lot of emotions.  It brought back Beckett's memories of the hurt, pain and sadness of that day that he left us.  This is something that I would NEVER, EVER wish upon my worst enemy, it is tortuous to have to live without your child.  Feeling these strong emotions myself has me very worried about my kids.  They have already been through SO much that they shouldn't have to deal with losing a good friend as well.  I told Zeke and Tatum separately.  Zeke was in shock.  He didn't know what to say but fell into my arms for a tight, long hug.  He told me this morning that he is really sad and that she was such a "good girl."  Tatum took it very hard.  She cried...and cried.  Trying to explain this...again...the finality of death just isn't fair, especially to her.  I know that she still struggles with her emotions.   I know that she still misses Beckett, very much.  I had clarification of that when she asked me if Nichole...

would get to meet Beckett

That alone made me break down in tears.  I told her that Beckett is probably thanking her for being such a lovely friend to his big sister.

Our hearts are most definitely heavy.  Our thoughts and prayers have been with Nichole's family, especially her wonderful Dad.  Looking at his FB page and seeing every picture of him and his daughter broke me down.  She was his world...his everything.  Everyone could see the special bond that they shared.

I do not think I will ever understand why this stuff happens.  Life is hard.  Life is painful at times.  But in the end I know that we will get to be with our FAMILY and FRIENDS again.  We will be reconnected...in time.  Time is actually what is most painful.  We will always be waiting.

  
Nichole will be missed enormously:(