Merry Christmas to all...praying that I make it through tonight and tomorrow.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Past and Longer
Dear Mr. Boo
You would have been 8 months old this past week and I am dreading the time passing, which means the longer it has been since I held you in my arms. Counting down to THIS month has been horrible...now you have offically been gone longer than you were here with your family. We all miss you so much. Tatum crys for you and desperately wants us to come get you. Zeke has a hard time talking about you, but I know how much he loved you and looked forward to the future and teaching you all sorts of things. Braia is confused, she doesn't understand that you are gone...forever, she constantly asks when you are coming back. Adleigh probably understands the most out of all of us...she will simply state that you are in heaven, and you died. She loved being a big sister to you. Dad hides most of his feelings, I think he is afraid that if he starts crying he may never stop. I continue to struggle each day for comfort and undesranding. How can you be here so short but leave such a LONG and HUGE emptiness in my heart? You were the most loved baby and everyone wanted a piece of you...until the day we meet again XOXOXOX
Your,
Mommy!
You would have been 8 months old this past week and I am dreading the time passing, which means the longer it has been since I held you in my arms. Counting down to THIS month has been horrible...now you have offically been gone longer than you were here with your family. We all miss you so much. Tatum crys for you and desperately wants us to come get you. Zeke has a hard time talking about you, but I know how much he loved you and looked forward to the future and teaching you all sorts of things. Braia is confused, she doesn't understand that you are gone...forever, she constantly asks when you are coming back. Adleigh probably understands the most out of all of us...she will simply state that you are in heaven, and you died. She loved being a big sister to you. Dad hides most of his feelings, I think he is afraid that if he starts crying he may never stop. I continue to struggle each day for comfort and undesranding. How can you be here so short but leave such a LONG and HUGE emptiness in my heart? You were the most loved baby and everyone wanted a piece of you...until the day we meet again XOXOXOX
Your,
Mommy!
Not Prepared
I am not ready for this Holiday season. This season is truly about Jesus, giving and being with your family. A part of me is empty and praying this Christmas goes fast. Some of me wants everything to go slow so I don't miss anything with my other children. But how am I suppose to be happy right now? Getting the Holiday Spirit is hard, we are trying to think of things to do to remember, memorialize Beckett during Christmas. We decorated his tree, which was a lot of fun. We have bought gifts for him that we are donating, not sure to who or where. We have received wonderful gifts from friends, family, strangers, anonymously in honor of Beckett. So I am just not sure why I can't be a little bit more grateful...I just want my little boy back and nothing I or my family does will make that come true.
My Christmas wish this year is to have a wonderfully happy, HEALTHY year in 2011. I hope that my kid's can continue to work through their feelings and experience true happiness throughout this next year. I hope that Jed can get what he wants in his career and know how much the kid's and I stand behind him and support him. I hope that my heart can mend just a bit...so I don't hurt like I currently do. I hope that Beckett's memory can be lived through smiles, laughs instead of tears and heartache.
We wish everyone a Merry Christmas and may 2011 be a GREAT year for you as well!
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